He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
