I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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