Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
he was CRYING into my vagina
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize