Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
