dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Randomize
