Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
kristin has been a bad kristin
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
