the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
