I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
