Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
It's Friday. Sex?
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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