I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Randomize
