I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
