it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
