i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.