my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???