The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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