Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.