weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
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There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
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They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....