My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
21 Reasons You’ll Be Forever Alone
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
23 Theme Park Employees Confess The Biggest Adult Tantrums They’ve Witnessed
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs