My underwear smells like fireworks.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
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Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been