dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
