It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
