you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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