I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
She just used a chaser for red wine.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
