He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
