Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
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