just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
