You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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