Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
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