Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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