shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
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