Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
