No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
