woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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