i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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