I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Randomize
