VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
he had hair everywhere except his balls
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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