hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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