The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Randomize
