twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
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