I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
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