yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I think my vagina is haunted
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
