She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
and you fell through a lawn chair
Randomize
