i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
