I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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