No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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