some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
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