so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize