you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
