I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
