you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
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