I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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