you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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