I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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