i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
So here I am, sexting at work.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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