Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
