Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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