mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
