chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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