Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My balls are so social today.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
