we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
