Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
