dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
