Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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