I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
she woke up with a sticky ear
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
