it hurts more in the daytime
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
