I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it was like his penis was on wheels.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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