You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have fence marks all over my body
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
