if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
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