I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
